You always saw me smiling....but did you ever wonder what's inside of me??.... At a very young age of 17, I living independently, i was working in Laguna. But after working and staying in Laguna, I decided to go back to Manila to find a job, which I can go to school at the same time. And yes i did it, I was working in the morning and studying in the evening. But the reality of being a self supporting student is not easy. so, I decided to stop, and i am emotionally shattered of the thought that I might not going to college anymore. Lately, time slips fast by, that I didn't noticed it. I was just surprised that in my young age of 21, I was expecting a baby. I was just unaware of what was going on until the moment that get "bumped" by the reality that I am going to be a mother. When I gave birth to my daughter dated Dec.2004, I fell so complete as if I don't care of what's happening outside our home. I feel so blessed of having a baby and having a loving husband. I met Pol my husband in Laguna. He was very caring and loving person. I really love him so much because he always cares for me. he pampered and spoiled me and sad to say he made me depend on him. before I used to lived independently but when we were starting a family, I totally depend on him. I play my role as a plain housewife, until I learned that I was expecting another baby and this time it's a boy. He really wanted a baby boy. This timed we seriously talked about our future because it would be a big responsibility to raise two kids. But unfortunately he died, last Jan.28,2006. See, how unlucky I am!!! It was terribly painful to me, I was 8th months pregnant at that time...It really hurts me so bad that I don't want to live anymore. I wasn't able to eat, sleep,or think...that day. I feel I was just dreaming.. Again, I was emotionally shattered...So many question in my head...What would I'll do now? I used to depend on him, i can't imagine my life living without him. How about the future of my children, especially inside my womb now? He would not be able to see his father, he would not feel the arms of his father and most of all he would not see the face of his father. I'm asking God why me?? Why do I need to suffer this?..Of all the people, Why me?? I never put someone down, I never hurt anyone, i do believe in GOD... Why do I need to suffer this??Letting go of things can be bearable, but letting of people can be intensity difficult. When we get "attached" to a person we form an intimate bond that makes us dependent on that person's presence. Carried to the extreme, can make us obsessive and unreasonably possessive. It's really hard to let go, but I must think for the future of my children. I loved him so much but I must be strong, I must go on but he would always be in my heart. I know things would never be the same again, but I'll do my best to my children..I must face the reality... So now I'm here in Datamex to prepare the real battle of my life,the survival of the fittest. i must survive! We must survive!!